Helloooooooooo

Now that I'm starting to get a hang of this blogging thing, I thought I'd run a little experiment to see if anyone's stopping by here. So here's the deal. I'm going to send a copy of my book to the first five people who email me with their name, address, and something nice about my blog :-)

A Few of My Favorite Things

In honor of The Sound of Music, which I watched last night, here are a few of my favorite things:

Favorite Salad Dressing: Olive Oil or Caesar (on the side)
Favorite Color: Plum
Favorite Flower: daisies, gerber daisies, cala lilies
Favorite Smell: baked apple
Favorite Movie(s): hmmm…changes daily…50 First Dates, Les Miserables, Serendipity, You’ve Got Mail, Shop Around the Corner, An Affair to Remember, Shawshank Redemption, Amistad, Ever After, The Princess Bride, That Thing You Do, When Harry Me Sally, Finding Forrester, Never Been Kissed, Alex & Emma…
Favorite Book(s): Dancing in the Arms of God, Every Man’s Battle, Generation Ex (!), Lost Daughters of China, Ragamuffin Gospel, Sacred Marriage, Second Chances, Total Money Makeover, A Women’s Guide to Financial Peace of Mind...
Favorite TV show: nothing that I set my calendar to anymore, usually some VH1 countdown, biography show or football. I did start watching Everybody Loves Raymond about 6 episodes before it ended.
Favorite Pastimes: writing, volleyball, watching football, reading, ultimate Frisbee, disc golf, golf, walking, putzing around the house, hiking, game nights, travel, church stuff, computer stuff, great conversations, museums…
Favorite Board Game: Settlers of Cataan
Favorite Type of Music: Mostly Christian because I worked in the industry for several years
Favorite Store: Barnes & Noble
Favorite CDs: Bebo Norman, Chris Tomlin, downhere, The Normals’ Coming to Life, Louis Armstrong’s Greatest Hits, Casting Crowns
Favorite Place: low-maintenance: my home; high maintenance: snorkeling in St. John
Favorite Comfort Food: chips and salsa
Favorite Pizza: the late great Donatos thin crust Pepperoni
Favorite Ice Cream: amaretto cherry chocolate or cinnamon
Favorite Soda: would rather have water, but mountain dew if I must
Favorite Sport to Watch: definitely football
Favorite Sport to Play: Volleyball
Favorite Holiday: Easter

Why Blog?

I have loved this time off to think and sleep and rest. I spent a good couple hours today journaling and enjoying the solitude of God's presence. I was writing about a few of the recent emails I received from readers and prayed for the concerns and situations they shared with me. Then I started thinking of the parallels between writing a personal book and writing a blog. The thing about a blog is that a stranger can access your thoughts and in doing so, develop a sense of relationship to you without your knowledge. As I spent WAY too much time losing myself in the blogs of others in the last few days, I noticed several posts along these lines as bloggers wrestle out the pros and cons of revelation and restraint. There's great freedom in flinging your thoughts out into the blogosphere, but a bit of paranoia knowing that the wrong person might choose to use your words against you. For me, blogging is an extension of my writing, and those extremes are just an extension of the ramifications of being a writer. There is an odd, but wonderful, bond my readers share with me when they write. Even in interviews, I'm asked about my dog and the COWS (you'll have to read my book to understand that one). The nature of my book necessitates a certain level of vulnerability, I suppose, in order to develop the trust of my reader and credibility that I'm not this expert, detached professional talking about "them." I'm just a messed up child of God, muddling through life the best I can, as authentically as I can, as Christlike as I can. I share some of my foibles and fumbling in the book, and if you follow along here, you'll find more, I'm sure.

Long preface aside, I decided to post my reasons for blogging. In no particular order:

* To learn a new form of media for personal and professional use
* As a way of keeping friends and family up to date
* To post current (and less important) news on my book's ministry to those who venture here
from my site
* For an extra level of accountability that I am living out the things I profess in my book
* To provide an outlet for writing during a season when future writing projects are "on the shelf"

Book Notes: Authentic Faith

A few nights ago, Bailey jumped on my bed with enough force to knock the books off my headboard shelf--and onto my head! Seemed to be a good time to do a little winnowing.

One book that stayed is Gary Thomas' Authentic Faith: The Power of a Fire-Tested Life. The tagline is What if life isn't meant to be perfect but we are meant to trust the One who is? Similar in format to his Sacred Pathways, Gary outlines several disciplines that God uses to bring us to greater depth and maturity--authenticity--in our relationship with Him. He's not talking about the disciplines we can take pride in: Scripture memorization, fasting, giving, quiet times, etc. Those are cake compared to the ones God allows on His terms: selflessness, waiting, suffering, persecution, social mercy, forgiveness, mourning, contentment, sacrifice, hope and fear.

The opening story is about a one of those golden guys with a Midas touch. Then one day he's hit with a brain hemorrhage and life changed.

Gary writes:

The devastating effect on his body was paralleled by an equally powerful--and wonderful--change in his spirit...Whereas before his focus was on the masses, Mike now specializes in healing hurting hearts one at a time.

"The brain hemorrhage took a lot away from me," Mike told me recently, "but it gave me even more." Mike is now the type of guy whose spirit invites you to quiet your heart, get rid of all pretenses, and revel in God's presence. I think the main difference is that in college, when I was around Mike, I wanted to be like Mike. now, after spending time with Mike, I want to be more like Jesus.

Wow. Gary got my attention.

The premise of Authentic Faith is that like any relationship of depth, our faith must move past the infatuation stage where God is palpably present and our prayers are quickly answered. Gary writes:

That means...growing in ways that we naturally wouldn't be inclined to grow...This is a painful process, a very real spiritual death...The first sign that a believer has failed to move in a timely fashion past the spiritual infatuation stage is usually disillusionment. Whereas before they thought of God as only kind, only merciful, and only loving, they now tend to view him as stubborn, severe, and unyielding...There's a place for this disillusionment, provided it effects the change that leads to mature friendship with God. If disillusionment remains, however, it ceases to motivate and eventually may bury the believer under its despair.

I admit, I've been a bit mired in disillusionment lately. I've been a believer for 14 years, and know--intellectually--that my faith ebbs and flows, and the depth of my friendship with God dips and dives. And if I'm really honest, as much as I hate the valleys, I know they are necessary testing grounds, to slough off the dust of all this world dictates. Growth is painful.

Gary's words both encourage and disappoint me. I'm encouraged by the reminder that asking the tough questions and honestly admitting my frustration is a natural and necessary part of the process. I'm disappointed that the depth of my disillusionment reveals how necessary this test has been. We live in such a formulaic culture, especially in the church: if you do A, B and C, and avoid X, Y and Z, you'll return the favored result. God isn't that predictable. I think I needed this disillusionment to recognize some of those shadow beliefs I've yet to surrender. God has given me new life and the promise of forever. When will I really realize that my life here, because it is HERE and not heaven, by definition, cannot be perfect? When will I submit my idealized life as an attainable goal? If I believe that God is moving too slowly according to my timetable, or what I perceive is the world's timetable, is that really His issue, or am I humble enough to accept that it is mine?

Memorial Day Weekend

One more day! It's going to be a crazy day of meetings at work today, but then I am off for five long--hopefully slow and restful--days. If you think of my brain as a battery, I'm been on low for quite a while so it's time to recharge. My plan is to spend at least 12 hours either sleeping or in bed for each of the next five days!

I do have some other plans, including Les Miserables (the best grace story outside the Bible) and Petra (the exhibit, not the band). I'm also hoping to start the summer season of Ultimate Frisbee.

I've been ruminating on the verse I posted about a few days ago, "Go in the strength you have." God has provided another opportunity for me to serve tonight. One of my favorite people in the world is a neighbor with 3 (soon to be 4) kiddos. Living in singleland, it's easy to get caught up in both the advantages and disadvantages of living alone. Without a family, it's tempting to take your identity and worth from what you do. Relationships are important, of course, but you have to be intentional about letting people in when it's alarmingly easy to keep people out. It's a different thing altogether you go home and there they are. For me, especially, since my return to work, coming home means turning my brain off and usually, going to bed earlier than most ten-year-olds.

This family down the street has done more to heal my heart (and my head) than I'm sure I even know. I am amazed by the way they live their lives and faith and am utterly blessed to have been adopted by them. When I think of what family is meant to be, this family is the first snapshot that comes to mind.

On occasion the husband has to go out of town for work. During those times, I'm often invited over for dinner and assisting with the bedtime routine. My friend thinks I'm helping her out, but I'm definitely getting the better end of the bargain. Not only do I spend time, living real life with a woman I admire as a mentor and role model, but I get loved on by three of the most adorable children in the world. But wait, there's more! I get an outlet for my maternal desires and practice establishing the rituals and habits I hope to establish in my own family. And best of all, in a season of weakness, I still have the strength to be used in a way that is meaningful to one of the people I love the most. Isn't God cool?

Figuring Things Out

Thanks to Ryan for introducing me to Flickr. I'm still figuring things out, but I think I'll like it a lot more than Picasa. For one thing, I now have pictures on my sidebar! I figured out how to put an image in my profile, but I'm stumped on how to not to have that image pop up on the "About Me" section. Stay tuned...

I'm rich...and so are you!

A sobering thought for us Americans...Global Rich List

Go in the Strength You Have

Last week was pretty foggy. I started a few posts that I hope to finish up. Here's the first, which I started on Thursday...

Wow...Today was a quiet day at work. There are a couple of conferences going on so many of my co-workers were away. I took advantage of the opportunity to get caught up on email.

I love working at a Christian company because God is often able to get my attention simply as I do my work. In my inbox was a devotional from the Proverbs 31 ministry. The key verse got my attention: Judges 6:14, "Go in the strength you have…Am I not sending you?" (NLT)

I had an email from a friend this morning questioning whether or not we should go ahead with the plans we made this weekend. I was telling God that I was beginning to doubt that there would be a time again when I could live my life without worrying about my health, or could at least assume that my body could keep up with whatever I wanted to do. The temptation is do give up on really living life until I'm fully recovered, but that doesn't seem to be the right answer either.

How cool that God answered my question just a few minutes later with this devotional! Just when I think that God can't use me when I'm less than 100%, I sense this Scripture reminding me that He can. In the face of my obvious physical weakness, His strength is much more evident. There's no question that anything I accomplish is because of His strength, not mine.

More from the devotion:

Gideon's family was going through a very difficult time. Their enemies, the Midianites, were stealing crops and destroying their land. Gideon had become fearful. His heart was overwhelmed by what seemed to be an impossible situation. As he focused on the strengths of the Midianites, his own weaknesses were magnified, leaving him with a sense of inadequacy. One day Gideon decided to take his sheaves of wheat into a winepress for threshing so no one could find him. While Gideon was there, an angel of God came to him and said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." Was Gideon acting like a mighty warrior? No. He was acting more like a mighty wimp! Yet God saw beyond who Gideon was that day and gave Him the name of who he could become, a mighty warrior."But sir," Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us?" The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" "But Lord," Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My family is the weakest and I am the smallest in my family." The LORD answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all your enemies together."

Gideon was filled with uncertainty, fear and unbelief. He questioned the promise of God's presence. He doubted the strength of his personal abilities. And he denied the possibility of victory over his enemies....Fear of not being able to do it all leads me to doubt. Did I hear God wrong when I made these commitments? ...If He is with me, why has God allowed my circumstances to be so difficult?...I may not be able to do all that I want to do, when I want to do it, but I can do all that God is "sending me" to do today. I can choose to focus on the strength that I have - His strength. I can face my day with confident trust, because He promises to be with me. And with Him by my side, I can strike down the enemies of doubt and fear as I face obstacles and overcome challenges that are part of God's plan for me today.

My prayer for today:Lord, help me see myself and my life through your eyes. I often focus on my circumstances instead of focusing on You. When I look at what I can't do and what I don't have, I get discouraged and overwhelmed. I want to run and hide. Please come to me like you came to Gideon, and set my eyes on Your plan and your provision for today. You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever!

To read the whole devotion, click here

Power Verses:

Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (NIV)

Matthew 28:20b, "I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." (The Message)

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17, "May our Lord Jesus Christ and God our Father, who loved us and in his special favor gave us everlasting comfort and good hope, comfort your hearts and give you strength in every good thing you do and say." (NLT)

And just in case He didn't get my attention, I received 2 emails from readers about my book. I am humbled and amazed that God allowed me to finish that work before the injury so that even in my recovery, when I feel most useless, I can see the harvest of what I have sown.

Love is in the Air

Congratulations Bruce and Katie!

I Love Bailey

I was thinking I had a rough couple of days. I was wrong.

It's 11pm and I've just returned from the Bebo concert. Much too tired to comment on that, but had to describe what I found when I returned home.

So, today, my dog, Bailey had endured her least favorite thing in the world--grooming.

(Quick aside. Bailey loves going to the vet. She literally smiles. It's very odd to have a dog smiling as a vet is checking everything out. On the other hand, she DESPISES the groomer. As soon as she sees the Petsmart sign, she starts convulsing and giving me the "Don't Leave Me Here!!!" eye plea. Why getting pretty is worse that getting poked and prodded is beyond me. My dog is certifiably weird)

Usually after grooming day, Bailey gets a little extra attention. We go for a walk, we play catch, we cuddle. But today I had the concert, so I left my place a little after 6. It was still light out, so I didn't leave any lights on.

Like most people, I have a place where my stuff tends to collect--mail, papers, etc. In my house it's the dining room table. Like most dogs, Bailey likes to go where she shouldn't whenever she can get away with it. I made the mistake of not completely pushing all the chairs in.

I arrived home a few minutes ago to a completely dark house. Usually Bailey greets me at the door. Not tonight. When I called out her name, I heard a swish and the flutter of papers. I turned on the light to find a very dejected dog, sitting on top of my table, resigned to the fact that she got up and couldn't get down, and was SO busted. She could have been up there in the dark for hours. Poor girl. The more I laughed, the sorrier she looked. Oh...I needed that.

I'm going to go take my sorry dog to bed now...Good night!