Ryan from Reason to Believe posted this review of Generation Ex:
I live in the United States where the divorce rate hovers between 50 and 60 percent. Tragically the rate of divorce for those who claim the name of Jesus is the same as those whom do not.
Another way to look at it is like this; as summer rolls around and the wedding season gears up, you may be invited to several weddings. At each and every wedding you attend, as the couple begins to recite their vows of love and commitment for each other, pull out a small coin from your pocket and flip it into the air. Heads the couple will stay together and tails they won’t.
I'm not trying to be cynical, rather that is the sad reality of our culture. But what is even more devastating is the impact that divorce will have on their children. As we move from a generation where a divorce was a cause for public shame, to a generation where divorce is accepted and oftentimes encouraged, we are just now beginning to see some of the consequences the decision to divorce has.
“Adult children of divorce” (ACOD) is the term given to those whose parents have divorced (when they were children or adults) and are now adults preparing for, or are already in a committed marriage. Many of these ACODs are just now beginning to see the traumatic effects their parents divorce have had on them.
From the back cover:
Finally, a book for adult children of divorce, written by an adult child of divorce.
One of the hardest truths about divorce is that every split – no matter when it occurs – will have lifelong effects on the children caught in the crossfire. While most people acknowledge our pain during our parents’ parting, few of us realize that our most significant insecurities, questions, and doubts may not show up until years later, when we seek our own intimate relationships as adults.
In fact, millions of adult children of divorce feel lost, displaced, or unwanted years after the ink has dried on their parents’ divorce decree. Like them, you may fear abandonment, betrayal, or failure in your own marriage. Despite outward successes, you may doubt your emotional abilities. You may notice that your parents’ divorce affects you more each year, not less.
You are not alone!
Through research, interviews, and personal stories, Generation Ex will help you understand the effect of your parents’ divorce on your identity, faith, and relationships and will give you the tools you need to create a dramatically different legacy.
Includes: questions for reflections.
This book is not a “quick fix” or a “self-help” rather it is designed to help you unlock the doors of your painful past, with the help of someone who knows how you are feeling, and allows you to begin the healing process.
If you are an Adult Child of Divorce, are married to an ADOC, are contemplating a divorce, or have already divorced, I HIGHLY recommend this book. I’d also recommend this book as an addition to pre-marital counseling curriculum when either person is from a divorced home.
You can purchase the book through Family Life by CLICKING HERE.
Showing posts with label book review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label book review. Show all posts
Monday, August 30, 2010
Book Review: Families.com (Valerie Nelson)
I really appreciate this review from Valerie Nelson of Families.com. When I was writing Generation Ex, I did so with some trepidation about what divorced parents would think--especially my own! At the same time, I wanted to be an advocate for all the other children of divorce who weren't able to express their own feelings. I realized that what I would say would be difficult for parents to hear, but also necessary for reconciling divorced parents and children. So I wrote as honestly and graciously as I could. I'm so happy that Ms. Nelson got that.
Book Review: Generation Ex
by Valerie Nelson
Divorce affects each person differently. In her book called Generation Ex, Jen Abbas explains the effects that divorce has on children and how we tend to carry them through to adulthood. Since the 1970's when no fault divorce laws were adopted, over a million children per year have been affected by divorce. Currently, nearly half of all children's families will experience divorce before that child reaches adulthood.
The author's catchy title "Generation Ex" stems from the understanding that the first generation (or largest up to that time)of children of divorce that grew up in the 70's and 80's are now into adulthood and oftentimes taking with them the emotional scars of divorce.
Jen tells us in her book that she seems to be more affected by her parents divorce each year, not less, and that divorce is not just a bump in the road that is easily overcome. Listed on pages 11 & 12 of the book are some of the effects of divorce that carry into adulthood:
I agree with a lot of what the author said, and found the book intriguing because my parents divorced after I was married. I thought that their divorce did not affect me because I was already an adult living my own married life. The book helped shed some light upon the truth that the divorce, and maybe more so the bad marriage prior to the divorce, did have an effect on me and still does today.
As a woman who has gone through divorce, and still wants the very best for her children, some parts of the book where the author posed tough questions and honest thoughts were difficult for me to read. For example on page 12, Jen writes:
If our parents' decision to divorce were truly a healthy one because it offered the potential for a happier home, then why do so many of us still struggle decades later with issues of abandonment, trust, commitment, and making our own marriages work?
Divorce is often the defining event of our life, and the implications of our parents' choice continue to ripple throughout our life.
Ouch, that hurts. So does divorce. It hurts all parties involved at some level.
Even though some of the book was difficult to read, I stil recommend it because it is written from the viewpoint of an adult who has grown up in a family that experienced two divorces-both her parents, and then her mother and step father's breakups. In addition, Jen Abbas is open and honest about the wide range of emotions due to divorce that she and many others feel throughout their lives. I think the book could be an important communication tool to utilize as our children grow and potentially experience some of the same difficulties discussed in the book.
Book Review: Generation Ex
by Valerie Nelson
Divorce affects each person differently. In her book called Generation Ex, Jen Abbas explains the effects that divorce has on children and how we tend to carry them through to adulthood. Since the 1970's when no fault divorce laws were adopted, over a million children per year have been affected by divorce. Currently, nearly half of all children's families will experience divorce before that child reaches adulthood.
The author's catchy title "Generation Ex" stems from the understanding that the first generation (or largest up to that time)of children of divorce that grew up in the 70's and 80's are now into adulthood and oftentimes taking with them the emotional scars of divorce.
Jen tells us in her book that she seems to be more affected by her parents divorce each year, not less, and that divorce is not just a bump in the road that is easily overcome. Listed on pages 11 & 12 of the book are some of the effects of divorce that carry into adulthood:
- Fear of falling in love, even with a strong desire to do so.
- Turning into a perfectionist.
- Fear that even if someone says, "I love you," ultimately that person might leave you.
- Trust comes in hard-earned degrees.
- You are not sure where home is, or you aren't so sure you want to accept the home that society has defined for you.
- You have holes in your history.
- You aren't sure what a healthy marriage looks like.
I agree with a lot of what the author said, and found the book intriguing because my parents divorced after I was married. I thought that their divorce did not affect me because I was already an adult living my own married life. The book helped shed some light upon the truth that the divorce, and maybe more so the bad marriage prior to the divorce, did have an effect on me and still does today.
As a woman who has gone through divorce, and still wants the very best for her children, some parts of the book where the author posed tough questions and honest thoughts were difficult for me to read. For example on page 12, Jen writes:
If our parents' decision to divorce were truly a healthy one because it offered the potential for a happier home, then why do so many of us still struggle decades later with issues of abandonment, trust, commitment, and making our own marriages work?
Divorce is often the defining event of our life, and the implications of our parents' choice continue to ripple throughout our life.
Ouch, that hurts. So does divorce. It hurts all parties involved at some level.
Even though some of the book was difficult to read, I stil recommend it because it is written from the viewpoint of an adult who has grown up in a family that experienced two divorces-both her parents, and then her mother and step father's breakups. In addition, Jen Abbas is open and honest about the wide range of emotions due to divorce that she and many others feel throughout their lives. I think the book could be an important communication tool to utilize as our children grow and potentially experience some of the same difficulties discussed in the book.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Nice nod from Modern Disciple
Funny, just as I'm coming to terms with the fact that my book is out of print, the world starts discovering it. C'est la vie.
Modern Disciple reviewed Generation Ex awhile ago, an yet, my reviewer was nice enough to throw me a bone when he reviewed another book, Ambassador Families.
Modern Disciple reviewed Generation Ex awhile ago, an yet, my reviewer was nice enough to throw me a bone when he reviewed another book, Ambassador Families.
Mitali Perkins has written a book about following Jesus. If that doesn't interest you, I suggest that you stop here.
Still with me? This is a great topic to write about. I mean, I used to watch a lot of TV as a kid, but that was when there were only three networks. I was teaching a first year university class two years ago, and made the mistake of mentioning that I got my degree in 1994, a full year before I surfed the web for the first time - (thanks, Tony Shore). The gasp that filled the room was horrific. I mean, how did I survive without the internet?
Words have been added to our lexicon just in the last nine years since my son was born: ipod, MP3, Tamagochi, Digimon, etc. This book acts as a guide to navigating your kids through the maze of choices that the culture provides, but also to prepare them to observe and interact pop culture to find truth for themselves and others.
A Bengali immigrant and a former missionary, the author uses the imagery of the modern missionary to emphasize the role that we have the privilege to play in the 21st century.
"The best preparation we can give them is to travel into popular culture with them, just as Jesus did with his 'children'" p. 26
She begins with Following Jesus:
Into Uncharted Territory
Into Hostile Places
To Hunt For Treasure
To Find The Outsider
To Speak The Language
When Others Judge You
In each chapter, she lays out tangible examples and practical applications for you and your family to not only see the media choices, but also to process them together. The Put It Into Practice and Bringing It Home sections serve this purpose very well. And I like the way she encourages us as parents not to "use" popular culture, but to "engage" it. Big difference.
Like Jen Abbas' Generation Ex, Perkins provides a necessary resource at a time when there are few like it.
- Ryan Richardson
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)