My Prayer

One the major ways I've been spending my days the last few months is getting my house ready to sell. In addition to the regular things, like cleaning, fixing and painting, I've also been (finally!) taking time to tackle paperwork and electronic files. I signed my book contract a few weeks after I moved in, and sustained my head injury shortly before my book released. So in the five years I've been here, much too much has collected, mostly in my office.

My latest endeavor has been cleaning out my desktop. A friend was helping me with the task, and just when I thought we were about done, he asked if I had any floppy disks or ZIP disks that needed to be converted to CD-ROM. Thus the latest trip down memory lane as I've discovered very early versions of my book, years-old journal entries, college papers, and even some poetry.

The poem below is still the cry of my heart:

My Prayer

As I make my way through this life
Sometimes
I find myself thinking I'm doing it on my own
that I can do it alone.
Thank you Jesus
for being my constant companion
reaching out
forgiving
uplifting
gently convicting
and encouraging me
I love being close to you.
You are truly my best friend.
When I think to the future
and all I desire to be,
I know you'll be right there with me.
When I struggle between the conflicting voices
of Your word and Your world
I thank you for giving me strength
to pursue righteousness.
Continue to mold me
shape me
transform me
to be the one You have called me to be.
Help me to be a transparent light
that others will see You through me.
Thank you for giving me a future
and a hope of complete redemption.
Use me to reach those who need You.
Make me a willing servant.
I want to be other-focused, not self-centered
I want my relationships to reflect Your love
I want others to desire what I have found
joy
forgiveness
hope
and love.
I want to be so filled with who You are
that it changes who I am.
I want to be so filled with what You did
that it changes what I do.
I can't wait to be made perfect
and to be near You forever.
Help me to be patient and devoted
to my current mission.
Thank you for the assurance
of knowing
You care
You bless
You heal
You love.
When I fret about my future
When I get impatient to fulfill my desires
Ground me
remind me
show me
Your love is all I need.
This is my prayer.

Jen Abbas
March 30, 1996