Shameless Plug: Madman

For the last few years, I have enjoyed the company of a handful of women writers much more accomplished than I. Collectively, we call each other The Guild. It's been a wonderful experience pooling our thoughts and journeying together through the various stages of the writing process. My friend Tracy has a new book coming out this spring from Moody Press. Madman is a historical novel based on the Gerasene demon-possessed man described in Mark 5.

In addition to having an uber-cool cover, I love the way Tracy bring the biblical landscape to life. My advice: pick up Tracy's first two historical fiction novels, cozy up to a warm fire and get geared up for Madman this spring.

What Next?

So I wrote awhile back that WaterBrook reverted rights to Generation Ex back to me. Thanks to all who wrote me with feedback and kind words of support. The next step is simply making time to work on the new proposal so my agent can shop it around. I have a pretty good idea of where it could end up, but alas, I still have to do the hard work of preparing the materials. (Many applications to life in that statement).

One option we're exploring is pitching Generation Ex as a two book deal, meaning GE would be the first book with another related title to follow. I have several ideas based on material that didn't make the first book (My first draft was 225,000 words. Generation Ex was only 60,000 words.) and suggestions from readers.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on these options:

1. Generation Ex and the Quest for Love (or, Getting to I Do After Mom and Dad said I Don't)--focusing on the romance trigger, how to minimize the impact of parental divorce on your own romantic relationships, from dating to marriage.

2. Marrying Generation Ex: this suggestion came from my sister-in-law, who has shared with me the unique challenges someone from an intact home has in marrying into a family affected by divorce.

3. Generation Ex for Teens - When I speak, I briefly talk about the common coping mechanisms that children adopt when dealing with divorce. This book would expand on these ideas.

4. Generation Ex: A Parents Guide - Practical help for parents to minimize the long term effects of divorce on their family

5. Generation Ex Asks Why: answers to the questions most commonly posed by children of divorce, parents, counselors, friends and churches

Most Perfect Love

When I was in college, I was a new Christian and reeling from my mom and stepdad's divorce. Love seemed like a sick joke. As I learned more about my faith, and allowed my heart to heal, a seed of hope took root that someday, I would experience the kind of love that lasts. My prayer partner passed on the following to me, and over the years, I have referred to it, and hoped for it as Proverbs 13:12 came to mind: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Most Perfect Love
Everyone longs to give themself completely to someone—to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, “No, not until you are satisfied with living loved by Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction, you will not be capable to of the perfect love that I have planned for you. I want you to stop planning, stop wanting and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing—one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. Just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don't be anxious. Don't worry! Don't look at the things you want. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them Just keep looking to me or you'll miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready—and even to the minute, to have both of you ready at the same time—until you are both satisfied with me and the life I prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me and is thus, perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh, a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy the everlasting union of beauty and love. I am God. Believe and be satisfied.
-St. Anthony, 1247.

I am very satisfied with life these days.

Life is good

I haven't been blogging much lately. I have a few things backed up, but for the most part, I've been taking a break from writing and focusing on my offline life. And life is very good.

Hello to my new Ohio friends. Thanks for stopping by. :-)

It's Good To Be Alive

So...God must still have something in store for me...

I've been sick every morning for the last two weeks and thought it was because I'm finally trying to wean off my meds before the 2nd anniversary of my head injury. I just haven't felt well at all. Didn't feel like doing too much but work and sleep the last two weeks so my house was kinda messy. I lit a few candles around the house to mask a weird smell--maybe some lingering food in the garbage. But Thursday I had cleaned up for trash day and it was still a little stinky. When I came home for lunch, I got sick again. When I came back to work and was telling my co-workers they made me call the gas company. They told me to get my dog out of the house and wait for them...and oh, could I be there in five minutes?

When the guy arrived I asked how he'd know if anything was amiss. I was afraid he was just going to tell me I needed to clean my house better! He showed me his detecting wand and said that it would beep if there was gas in the air. The more frequent the beeps, the more gas in the air. We opened the door and...

BEEP! My condo has an open plan so my entry way, dining room kitchen and living room (with 20 ft. ceiling) are all in one big area. He started walking to the kitchen. BEEP....BEEP....BEEP.... then toward the stove...BEEP BEEP BEEP...then to the burner BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Apparently when I cleaned my stove dials a few weeks ago, I put one on wrong and turned the lighter flame on. I haven't used the stove since then, so apparently it's been on for two weeks. If I didn't have the cathedral ceilings to dissipate the air, and have been crazy busy (and therefore not at home the last two weeks), the guy said I could have blown up the neighborhood! Yikes! And bionic Bailey cheats death again. I'd like an immune system a quarter of her strength!

Thank You, God, for Your protection.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm headed over to the home of "the family down the street" for this year's Thanksgiving festivities, which have promised to include baking lessons from E-mom. That and a whole lot of lovin' by four adorable kiddos. It's gonna be a good day.

Thanksgiving also marks the beginning of my end of the year reflections and new year resolutions. Thanks to Tracy for finding my song of the year in Sara Grove's "Less Like Scars," from her album, All Right Here.

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
character
Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)
And more like
character

And a few Scriptures to mull over:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.--Romans 5:1-5 (TNIV).

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us--Hebrews 12:1 (TNIV).

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.--James 1:2-4, 12 (TNIV).

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.--2 Peter 1:5-7 (TNIV).

Book Notes: Sacred Pathways, Introduction

So I've started digging into Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it. If you are reading it with me, I encourage you to check out the discussion questions from Gary's website:

My notes from the the introduction (direct quotes in italics):

It is my pleasure to serve as Gary's marketing director. After hosting Gary for the last few days at work, reading his book this time is more like reading a letter from a friend. And the content of this book is exactly what I most need to hear from my friend, as Proverbs 27:17 comes to life: As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (TNIV). Gary's words are sharpening my ability to connect with God after a season of silence.

* [For those in valley seasons] Their love for God has not dimmed, they’ve just fallen into a soul-numbing rut. Their devotions seem like nothing more than shadows of what they’ve been doing for years…They finally wake up one morning and ask, “Is this really all there is to knowing God?” –p.15

* In fact, by worshiping God according to the way he made us, we are affirming his work as Creator. – p. 18

I love the wide view of worship. I think at times, especially when we are disappointed or disillusioned, it's easy to fall for the temptation that God is mean spirited or spiteful. Sometimes, as we seek His will, we find it hard to believe that God would truly delight in allowing us to delight. We think that if something is enjoying or fulfilling, it must not be God's best because we aren't suffering for Him: this job must not be serving God because I like it, I'm good at it and I'm paid well to do it; maybe this relationship is a distraction because I enjoy it too much. What freedom I find in the knowledge that I can both love God and love what He allows me to experience.

* On historic movements within the church: All four players—Roman Catholics, Lutherans, Calvinists, and Anabaptists—were trying to love God, but with unique expressions of that love. Many differences had theological roots, but some were also related to worship preferences. – p.19

It's become to so popular to mock our differences in the church. I'm reminded of a quote by St. Augustine: "In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, diversity; and in everything, love."

* “doctrinally neutral worship preference” – p. 21

* God has given us different personalities and temperaments. It’s only natural that these differences should be reflected in our worship. – p. 21

* What is a sacred pathway? Put very simply, it describes the way we relate to God, how we draw near to him. Do we have just one pathway? Not necessarily. Most of us, however, will naturally have a certain disposition for relating to God, which is our predominant spiritual temperament. – p. 21-22.

* 9 pathways (2.22-29)
Naturalists: Loving God Out of Doors
Sensates: Loving God with the Senses
Traditionalists: Loving God through Ritual and Symbol
Ascetics: Loving God in Solitude and Simplicity
Activists: Loving God Through Confrontation
Caregivers: Loving God by Loving Others
Enthusiasts: Loving God with Mystery and Celebration
Contemplative: Loving God Through Adoration
Intellectual: Loving God with the Mind

* If you are in a spiritual malaise, it might be that you just need a change in your spiritual diet. If you just can’t seem to leave that one particular sin, you may find that the answer is very simple: You don’t know how to be nourished according to the way God made you so you’re seeking spiritual “junk food,” in the form of sin or addictions, somewhere else. Finding fulfillment in God is the most powerful antidote to any sin. – p. 30

I'm really looking forward to experimenting with new ways to connect with God. The junk food analogy really makes sense. In the early months of recovery from my head injury I craved beef jerky and peanut butter because my brain needed a lot of protein to heal. Even now, when I am situations that tend to make me sympomatic (traveling, changes in my schedule, stress), I crave steak. I've never thought of my spiritual hunger in the same way.

* According to Jesus, four elements are essential to every true expression of faith. It is essential that we love God with all our heart (adoration), soul (will), mind (belief), and strength (body). The intellectual is not excused from failing to adore. Neither is the contemplative excused from harboring wrong beliefs about God. Complete Christians—which all of us are called to be—should exhibit adoration, belief, commitment, and service. – p. 30-31

This makes a lot of sense. In the same way, each believer has spiritual gifts, but the lack of a particular gift doesn't negate the need to cultivate the character of that gift.

How do we learn to love God, day in and day out, through the seasons of life? How do we keep this love fresh? How do we grow in our adoration and understanding of God. We do it by spending time with him. And once we understand the myriad ways that Christians have cultivated this relationship, we’ll have more ideas than we need to walk closer, and more constantly by his side. - p. 32

One reason I respect Gary's writing is because he has a wonderful way of elevating everyday life into a spiritual discipline. For example, with so many books on marriage or relationships, I think, "this will be helpful if I get married." When I read Sacred Marriage, it was the first book that made me want to get married. It taught me that I could see from the peaks and valleys of my spiritual life than peaks and valleys are to be expected in my emotional life, not only with God, but with my friendships and other relationships. There is great freedom in that understanding. And I am liberated by the truth that even in the silent seasons of my faith, I can strive to learn to recognize different nuances of God's voice.

Disconnecting

In the past few weeks, I've had several conversations with friends about connection. Connecting with friends, connecting with friends-with-potential, and most importantly, connecting with God.

I'm coming up on my 15th anniversary in relationship with Christ. For most of those years, I had a "Jesus and me" mentality. Relationships are nice, but I only need, I thought, Christ. And it is true that I could live in solitude and survive just fine, but I don't want just fine. I want God's best.

Back to that in a moment...

The trademarks of my faith have long been the disciplines of faith: daily quiet times, journaling, reading, studying different concepts, terms and words. I felt most intimate with God when I spent time with Him, alone, sharing with Him my most vulnerable thoughts, and quietly listening for Him to direct me to His responses and leadings.

I've mentioned in the past how my head injury has changed me physically and emotionally. And I've touched on how it's changed me spiritually. During those quiet months when I couldn't read, couldn't write, couldn't do, I was forced to learn to just be. The process challenged me to re-evaluate what it meant to be in relationship with God. What if it's not about what I am doing? What if the next season of growth can only come from being? And, the more troublesome question: what if being requires relating to others outside the "Jesus & me" bubble? What if the real challenge in being a Christ follower is putting into practice (good term) all that I learned when I was doing Christ-following things? In my less mature moments, I can rail against God with all of my perceived injustices, but I can do so knowing that I have a wide open invitation to come back to Him with a more contrite heart. There's a safety in being real with God. I know He isn't going to reject me. Unfortunately, I don't have those same assurances with those around me.

The most important lesson I've learned since knockin' my noggin is that I need people, and I especially need them when I can't do for myself what I always have been able to do before. And as a result, my faith, or perhaps more accurately, the application of my faith, is much more evident (or very much not, depending on the moment). So I'm putting myself in more situations to learn to relate well. Results have been mixed. Who knew? I'm a selfish, faulted person. Not an unlovable, unworthy one, but a selfish, faulted person nonetheless.

So what do I do when I find myself in a strange situation? I run to God for guidance. Which has always worked out pretty well in the past. But now, I don't hear Him in the same way. I don't doubt His presence, but I'm just not connecting with Him the way I'm used to. I've been focused on learning about God through relationships. And for the most part, it's been a pretty fruitful, though at times, humbling, endeavor. The problem is, as good as it gets, the worse it has the potential to be. And I made a mistake. I allowed myself to make a frightenly bad decision. I pressured someone I care about to choose me over God. Stupid. The thing that really rocked me is that what I like about this person is the way they desire to make God smile. Why would I want to get in the middle of that? (Did I mention stupid?)

At any rate, it shook me and I've spent quite a bit of time the last few days chatting with God about it. I love to recommend books to encourage the faith of others. And certain books have really resonated with me, so they come up more often. One such book is Sacred Pathways, by Gary Thomas. The essence of the book is that just as God has created us each uniquely, He has designed in us nine different ways to connect with Him. These nine pathways reflect our personality and preferences, and understanding them can free us meet God as we are, where we are. I recently recommended Sacred Pathways to a friend, but it occurred to me, in light of my own changes, I need to read it again.

Borrowing Bebo

Last weekend at church, the Bebo Norman song "Borrow Mine" was played. It reminded me that I started a post on it back in May. Funny how these things get buried. Reading it today, I realize that I missed an opportunity to meet the need of a friend because I was focused on how that person wasn't able to meet what I thought I needed. I don't know that I can make it right with the person I wronged, but perhaps, though this, it can be redeemed.

May 21, 2005
It was an adventure getting there, but I did make the Bebo Norman, Fernando Ortega, Sara Groves concert on Thursday. After my trip to the ER on Wednesday night, I was still feeling a bit off on Thursday (later I saw that my discharge papers said I shouldn't drive, and should rest for 24 hours...oops!). I did find a co-worker to join me and we made plans to meet at 6:45 a few miles from the venue. The site I looked at had a concert start time of 8pm, so we figured we'd be there at 7 for the meet and greet. When we arrived, the place was PACKED. Alas, the concert started at 7 so we missed saying our hellos. That was a disappointment.

The concert itself did not disappoint. Sara came on first after a very cute introduction from her 4 year old son. She played several favorites, plus a couple songs from a new children's album she recently released. Always great to see a fellow Minnesota native do well. The first time I interviewed her I was struck by how much she reminds me of my best friend, Steph.

I was pleased to see that Bebo still has Gabe Scott playing with him. Gabe is quite possibly the most talented musician I know, not only in how well he plays, but in how many instruments he plays well: guitar, piano, dulcimer, accordian...you name it, I'm sure he plays it. Some may remember him from his days with Andrew Petersen. He's a Michigan native. One of my favorite music moments ever was a duet between Bebo and Gabe at Hope College maybe 2 years ago. I can't remember the song--a hymn, maybe?--but I had goose bumps the rest of the night.

I was telling my friend that "I am Nothing" was my theme song during my time off last year. That song was my prayer:

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
For I have nothing,
I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing,
I have nothing without You

Chorus:
All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing,
I have nothing without You

Chorus

Bridge:
I love You
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

Chorus

Take my time here on earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing,
I am nothing,
I am nothing without You

That verse about body really struck close to home. I really do feel that God stripped me from anything and everything I took my identity from. All I had with my relationship with God, and without Him, I was overwhelmed by my nothingness.

I also told my friend that my all time least favorite song was on Bebo's album Try. How it irritated me to no end. And if by cue, Bebo started introducing it. How convicting. The song is called "You Can Borrow Mine." I'll be honest, the past six months have been some of the most difficult since I became a believer 14 years ago, and the first time that I've really questioned my calling. I haven't reached a point of clarity yet and feel left out in the cold. I know, intellectually, that that isn't true. I can read my old journals and see how God uses everything for His good and that He will redeem this season as well. But I do feel utterly raw and bare and lost. I'm in the waiting, and watching good things--things I desire--coming to those around me. I share their joy, but have to guard my heart from jealousy that life is passing me by.

So Bebo tells the story of someone in a similar place, who is comforted by a fellow believer, who essentially says that their belief that God is at work is strong enough to cover the faith of the one is doubting and lost. Theologically, of course, it doesn't mean that the other person's faith assures salvation for their friend, but it does assume it...in a good way. There are times when the fog of emotion (or even a head injury) can prevent someone from seeing the bigger picture. And that's when the comfort of Galatians 6:1-2 comes alive:

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (TNIV).

A much belated thanks to all who have allowed me to borrow their faith during this season...

You Can Borrow Mine by Bebo Norman

Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in
Don't give up

Fabulous Fall

This is the fourth fall I've been in my condo. Each year, as the leaves start to turn, I am stunned by the beauty of the tree in front of my place. I may be biased, but I think it is the most amazingly beautiful tree on the street. One of life's simple pleasures, at this stage of life, is coming home to this gorgeous site and realizing that of all the places God could have planted this particular tree, He chose my home.

There's a classic little book by Brother Andrew, called Practicing the Presence of God. The main idea is that we can strive to live our lives mindful each moment of God's participation with us. This tree is my remembrance tree.