Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Daughters

I'm very grateful to a few friends who invited me to join them up north for the holiday weekend. After dropping the K family at the airport, the last thing I wanted to do was be home alone.

On the way up, I listened to John Mayer and was reminded of his great song, "Daughters." Another great addition to the child of divorce soundtrack, this song hits on a couple of important points. Of course, the overall theme is the generational effect parental choices have on their kids. If parents teach their children that love is fickle and fleeting, their kids are going to struggle to receive and relay love, especially as adults in their own romantic relationships.

But the first stanza is the one that really gets to me. John muses about the girl he loves and how, despite all the hoops he jumps through to prove his love, she is still an emotional chameleon. He realizes that her inability to be secure with him is more about her father's love than his. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the perfectionistic view of love I've held--that it is something we earn for what we can offer--not only with my parents, but with my friends, the guys I've known, my friends, and especially with God. This weekend I was around a couple that inspires me with their picture of imperfect, yet faithful love. It fuels my hope that I will someday love and be loved well. In the meantime, I wonder if there will be a man patient enough to figure out the puzzle that is me.

Daughters
w/m John Mayer
from the album, Heavier Things

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
but she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Ooh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
looking out for every girl
You are the guide and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too.

2 comments:

Mindy said...

What an excellent song! I never paid much attention to the verses, so after reading this I have an even greater appreciation for it.

Jen, I am a (grown) child of divorce and I want to thank you for writing Generation Ex. God used your book to do so much healing in my life. Sometimes I'll pick it up again and browse through just to get a reminder that my feelings regarding my parents' divorce and remarriages are normal. For so many years I stuffed those feelings because I felt guilty for feeling them. Your book set me free from that guilt.

Thank you for having the courage to say what so many of us need to hear!

Jen said...

Hey Mindy,
Thanks for the encouraging words. And wow...just saw your post about the advocacy center for children of divorce. What a GREAT idea!

Readerss and posters, check it out...
http://mindyrichmond.home.comcast.net/blog/2006/07/childrens-perspective-on-divorce.html