First Month of Forever

Today is our one month anniversary!!! Lots has happened in the last 31 days, and it's still easy to say I'm thrilled to be Mrs. Niels de Jong.

In honor of our first 31 days of marriage, here are top 31 reasons I love being married to Niels:

1. He is a godly man, worthy of my heart and definitely worth the wait!
2. He cracks me up. We laugh a lot!
3. He appreciates the little things I try to do for him--be it Rasta Pasta or burnt pancakes. (I cannot make pancakes for the life--and a lifetime of trying--of me!)
4. He loves our dog, but he loves me more. And she knows it!
5. He protects me by serving as my advocate and by helping me learn my limits as I continue to heal from my TBI.
6. He provides for me. Though he encourages me to do what I love, he supports the fact that right now, I love being Suzie Homemaker.
7. He comforts me. God gives me just the right words to say when I need it--and He listens to God to say it.
8. He's a human GPS and loves to drive, making him my ideal travel companion. And he loves to travel!
9. Even when I might disappoint him, he can still see the heart behind my good intentions.
10. I love to hear him sing bass at church.
11. He's teaching me Dutch so our kids can be raised bilingually--ik hou van jou, mijn liefje!
12. He is a peacemaker and an agent of healing in many ways, with many people.
13. He loves my family.
14. He loves my friends.
15. He has an amazing, loving family. And I can still stay that after hosting them for a week before our wedding!
16. He makes good decisions (most of the time) and helps me make wise decisions (all the time).
17. He was patient enough to wait for me to see what a great catch he is!
18. He's so stinkin' smart.
19. He shares my addictions for Wiki, Google and books.
20. He makes me a better person.
21. He takes care of me on my bad brain day, and looks out for me so I have fewer bad brain days than I did before I married him.
22. He's more accepting of my quirks and faults than I am.
23. He has hope--even when I don't--that my ability to write will return.
24. He has made my priorities his own.
25. I love the sense of partnership I have with him, that whatever we face, we face together.
26. Since our engagement, we haven't had a single big fight, and when we have disagreed or disappointed each other, the "love bank" is still full enough that we can quickly come to a resolution.
27. He shares my love for creating rituals and traditions.
28. I love the amazing vows he wrote and made on our wedding day.
29. This the only the first of a lifetime together!

Happy Month-iversary, Sweetie!

Another Milestone

This has been quite the week. It started with a milestone birthday, and ends with a milestone anniversary. Today is the 3rd anniversary of the day I sustained my Mild Traumatic Brain Injury (MTBI). In other words, the day my old life ended and my new life began. Slowly, I'm coming to embrace my new life. In the three years since my accident, most everything in my life has changed--from my home to my job (or lack of one, now) to my bank account (also, the lack of one now), to more subtle things, like my personality and goals. This certainly isn't where I would have expected to be three years ago, but today, I am grateful for the new life God has given me.

Snapshots

Yesterday, my boyfriend's parents celebrated their 37th anniversary. It saddens me that so many couples have lost the opportunity to celebrate double digit anniversaries due to divorce. I was talking to my mom yesterday as she opened her Christmas gifts from me. One the books I gave her was about retirement. She was skimming through it and reading different headings to me. One had to do with adjusting to all the time with your spouse. My mom made a comment to the affect of, "Where's the chapter on finding a spouse?"

My stepdad and step-step mom celebrate their 15th anniversary today. The parents of another friend celebrate their 35th anniversary next month. As I get older, I see more and more of a disparity in the lives of my friends' divorced v. married parents. Our parents are baby boomers and many, if not most, are now retired. Those who are married seem to be enjoying the time to reflect and enjoy their years of partnership. Those who are divorced seem more reflective as they wonder if they should have taken different roads. Retirement is more difficult when you've had to financially have to start over a time or two. And emotionally, facing the twilight years can be daunting when you approach them alone.

When my younger sister married, she said something to me that has stuck with me. In fact, it made it into my book. We were talking about the idea of marriage snapshots, somewhat tangible concrete pictures of what we want our life to look like in the future, so we can work towards them, even when--especially when--we are creating that which we haven't experienced. I gave the example of a hallway in a friend's parents' home. The hallway was lined with pictures, first of grandparents and ancestors, then with the couple's wedding picture, then with baby pictures, annual family portraits--some formal, some not, and other visual representation of the family history. I love the continuity that hallway conveys, and I told her I want to have a similar hallway or stairway when I marry. I asked if she had any marriage snapshots, and she said, "I want to celebrate my 50th anniversary." I love that! Approaching marriage in the long-term view like that will help my sister and her husband overcome the inevitable struggles they'll face together.

I was thinking of friend recently who has been going through a rough patch with her husband. With all the milestone anniversaries around me, along with a few weddings, I thought it would be fun idea for a newlywed couple to get frames for several upcoming anniversaries (5th, 10th, 25th, etc.) In the frame, they could write the date they will celebrate those milestones. They could also talk together about what they think life might look like for them at that point in their marriage. As they celebrate each milestone, they could replace the date with a photo, and read their predictions. They could make a note of what their life is really like at that point, and in doing so, create a bit of history for the next generation.

I'd love to hear about marriage snapshots you might have.

p.s. Happy 37th, Jan & Kitty!